The following message is for Women Pastors and or Pastor's wives:

The message is a publication from the River of Life.

It is a monthly message that is sent out each month as  "Pearls of Wisdom"

I even think that it is good for the men to read also.

December 2009

THE GIFT OF LOVE

Here we are with Christmas upon us.  It is probably the most giving time of the year.  Which I guess comes from God giving us His only son.  I would like to “give” each of you a little something by way of experience that was given to me some 20 odd years ago.  I would just like to add a few things to the October Pearls of Wisdom that Kim shared about in training our children.

I am gleaning from a pamphlet entitled “Under Loving Command”.  This was very instrumental in helping me and my husband understand God’s way of child discipline.  And as I share with you, if you can put it into practice, it will be a gift to yourself as well, bringing about much joy and peace into your life and home.

The main scripture we all know by heart:  “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he grows old he shall not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)  The key word is “train”.  There is a difference in training and teaching.  According to Webster, ‘train’ means “to mold the character, instruct by exercise, drill, to make obedient to orders, to put or point in an exact direction, to prepare for a contest”.  The objective we have in “training” our children is for them to “obey” us the first time we speak to them.  So if we have to tell them a 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th or 5^th time OR we end up yelling at them and threatening them, then we have just “trained” them to respond to us only after we do all those other things.  And according to the Word of God, it is the rod of correction that helps do the “training”.   “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”  (Proverbs 22:15)  See, we are ALL born with a self-centered nature. 

What stood out the most to me in this pamphlet was if I did not discipline my children, I was only being selfish.  You probably wonder how you can be selfish by NOT disciplining.  Well, it usually has to do with it being inconvenient to stop whatever it is we are doing at the time and take up the rod and discipline our child.  See we have to discipline ourselves as well to deal with our children promptly.  Disciplining our children evolves all around doing it CONSISTENTLY and IN LOVE. 

Let me add here when and how my husband and I would discipline.  First off, we only disciplined for three things:  (1) disobedience, (2) disrespect and (3) rebellion.  If one of our boys did any of these three, we would take them to a designated place (i.e. bathroom, laundry room……..preferably not their bedroom, which should be a place of refuge, not discipline); made sure they knew why they were getting a spanking; applied the rod; and finished with prayer and restoration.  If it required them going and apologizing to someone, then they would go do that afterwards.  I will never forget one time when Levi had to be disciplined.  He was about 3 or 4 years old.  His dad was in the middle of work in the office.  But he stopped and disciplined him.  I was preparing dinner and looked into the living room and saw Levi just sitting on the couch.  When I asked what was wrong, he said dad forgot to pray for him.  I immediately went to Jackie and told him what Levi said.  He then took Levi in his arms and prayed with him.  Once done, Levi was off being his jovial self.  That spoke volumes to me………..the importance of restoration.  The fact that once you have repented, asked for forgiveness, received your forgiveness, then it (whatever “it” is) is completely forgotten about…..never to be brought up again.  The act of sin has been dealt with.  It is the same with our heavenly Father. 

Also, it is very important that if this is new to you or you want to start afresh, that you have a family roundtable (this is what we called it when we would sit down with all 3 boys and discuss things).  Explain to them the changes that are about to take place.  Be honest and open with them.  If you need to repent and ask forgiveness from them for NOT disciplining according to God’s Word, then do so.  Nothing seems to touch a child’s heart more than letting them know you have messed up and want to make things right.  Be sure they understand what they will be disciplined for in the future and how you will go about it.  Spankings should never be done with your hand.  I don’t recommend a belt either.  I found a plastic spoon (looks just like the wooden spoons).  I still have to this day (ha ha).

As we are training our children to be obedient to us the first time, we are also training them to be obedient to their heavenly Father the first time.   This will ultimately teach us to be submissive to all authority that we will come in contact with over our life.

Another scripture that I received great revelation from back then was Eccl. 8:11.  “Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.”  Basically, when our child is disobedient and we just say something like, “If you do that again I am going to spank you”.  In other words you give them a 2^nd or 3^rd chance.  Because you do not immediately deal with the disobedience, then their heart is set towards just going it or something else over and over again.  You have to nip it in the bud, as they say, the first time. I received this revelation when my oldest son when he was about 5 years old.  I kept giving him warnings…..to no avail.  So finally I decided to apply the rod.  And once I did, well, guess what?  He stopped doing that thing he kept doing. 

This is where Hebrews 12:11 comes in.  “Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” 

Disciplining is NOT a fun thing to do.  Not for you or for the child.  But it is mandatory in the training of our children.  It is what brings the peace and righteousness.  The Word is full of many scriptures along these lines; mainly in Proverbs.  They are our guidelines.  It all falls back on us as the parent……..are we going to be obedient to His Word?  His Word is fail proof if applied correctly.  All you have to do is ask Him to help you and give you His grace to apply His Word in training and disciplining your children.

Remember, you HAVE to be consistent and do it in love.  There is much security given to the child when done correctly.

I would like to give each of you a copy of this pamphlet, which covers a lot more than I have here.  You can go to www.ntmu.net/lovingcommand.htm and print off a copy.  OR you can stop by the River of Life Bookstore and ask for a copy.  No charge, it is my gift from me to you.

I pray this encourages you if you are struggling with this issue.  If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact me.

Love and many blessings,

Sandy

May you and your family have a most blessed Merry Christmas!

If you have any questions or comments please contact one of us below:

Sandy Jernigan …………… 651-8842 …………..  ladyjernigan@gmail.com

Kim Mathers……………… 897-5019 …………..  bkmathers@embarqmail.com